![]() ![]() It's surprisingly common in couples dealing with infidelity, though it can generate some shame. We had a few months of what is euphemistically called " hysterical bonding," which is frequent, intense, and wild lovemaking. Life continued to be a roller coaster of crazy highs and numbing lows. And he thought he could find the answer in the fantasy of an affair. He cheated because there was something wrong with him. Which is why it's so shocking to so many of us that our husbands cheated with someone who looked… well, ordinary.īecause here's yet another thing nobody tells you about infidelity: He didn't cheat because there was something wrong with you, or even your marriage. The other woman was sexy and interesting. Often times, people assume that if a man cheats, that means his wife was a shrew, a nag. That's another part of cheating that we don't talk about enough. I lost weight, enough that people who'd previously said I looked "great" began to ask if I was OK. But I didn't have the energy to fight for my marriage. "Then you'll fight for your marriage," she said. I hardly told anyone about my husband's affair, except my mother, who asked me one question: "Do you love him?" "Yes," I told her. But right now? Right now, you just need to figure out how to get dressed for work, and make lunch for your preschoolers, and cancel the dentist appointment that you can't imagine going to with an affair-sized boulder in your gut. I figured they would find out eventually when our marriage fell apart, though I couldn't imagine telling them the whole story. ![]() It takes everything you've got to just breathe, to stem the bleeding, to tuck your kids into bed at night without curling up beside them weeping.īut I couldn't let them see me like that. "Later, I'd decide whether to stay or go."īecause here's what no one tells you about infidelity: It's so bring-you-to-your-knees devastating that kicking him out is the last thing you have the energy to do. So I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. Every day, I was trying to be the best mom I could, while also trying to finish the last chapter of my book, which my editor was getting increasingly impatient over. I'd vacillate between rage and exhaustion. I would shake my husband awake at 3 a.m., demanding to know "Why? Why did you do it? Weren't we happy?" Like so many who discover a partner's betrayal, my emotions were all over the place. My husband confessed that he had been having an on-again, off-again affair for four years. Over the next few days, the full story eventually trickled out. "What was I going to do?" I moaned out loud. While he drove the few hours back, I walked around our house wringing my shaking hands like Lady Macbeth. I insisted he come home immediately if he had even the tiniest bit of hope of salvaging our marriage.
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